Happy Campers
by Pipper
Summary: Most of Episode 1 cast stuck in a room...chaos ensues...
1. Happy Campers

Title: Happy Campers, Scene 1 

Summary: Most of Episode 1 cast stuck in a room; chaos ensues. Silly fic. 

Category: Humor/Parody 

Rating: R, I think. 

Author: Pipper 

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wanna play with them, so NYUH! 

WARNING: Kinda slashy and sexual, but NOT really. SOME explicit language, but hey, who's complaining? ;-) 

[SCENE 1: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan meditating in a corner; Queen Amidala trying to put on make-up; Anakin running around, arms outstretched, making weird airplane noises; Yoda pacing around, saying "hrmm," stick tapping on the floor and everything.] 

Yoda: Hrmm…get out of here we must. *Taps walking stick on the floor* Stay here forever, we cannot. 

Amidala: Can you not do that?! *Glare* 

Yoda: Hrmm? *Looks at Amidala* 

Amidala: Stop tapping your stupid little stick! I'm trying to put mascara on! 

Yoda: *Evil grin* *Starts tapping stick really loudly and in a VERY annoying way* 

Amidala: *GASP* Now see what you've done! *Points to black streak on the left side of her face* You. Little. Jedi. Bitch! *Pounces on Yoda* 

Qui-Gon: Children, play nice. 

Obi-Wan: *Licks lips* 

[Yoda and Amidala stop fighting and turn to look at the Master and Padawan.] 

Qui-Gon: *Opens eyes* 

[Yoda and Amidala look at Qui-Gon and then down to his crotch; they see a hand there; their gazes follow the hand; they realize it's Obi-Wan's hand.] 

Yoda: Touch your master's cock you may not! 

Obi-Wan: Why not?! 

Yoda: BECAUSE! 

Obi-Wan: I'm sorry, Master Yoda, can you please say that backwards like you always do? *Grin* 

Yoda: *Glare* 

[Everyone starts laughing at Yoda.] 

Yoda: *Starts turning red (or whatever color green and red put together makes), steam coming out of his ears and stuff. 

[Anakin bumps into a dresser and doubles over. Everyone stops laughing and looks at him.] 

Qui-Gon: Is everything all right Ani? 

Anakin: *Raises an eyebrow* Does it look like I'm fine?! I just my balls on the dresser, damn it! 

[Amidala runs to Anakin and crouches next to him.] 

Amidala: Please tell me you didn't damage the merchandise! *Touches Anakin's balls and stuff* Thank goodness, I think we can still have twins. *Beam* 

Anakin: YIPPIE!!! 

--End SCENE 1- 

~To be continued~ 


	2. Happy Campers 2

Title: Happy Campers, Scene 2 

Summary: Our group is still stuck in a room. It's bedtime…chaos ensues… 

Category: Humor/Parody 

Rating: PG-13 

Author: Pipper 

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wanna play with them, so NYUH! 

WARNING: Kinda slashy and sexual, but NOT really. SOME explicit language, but hey, who's complaining? ;-) 

[Scene 2: It's bedtime…but there's only one small bed, a blanket, and a couple of pillows. Hehehe…] 

Qui-Gon: The blanket isn't big enough for everyone… 

Obi-Wan: Master Yoda can always sleep on the floor. 

Amidala: *Lifts facial mask* I believe Obi-Wan is right; Master Yoda is a Jedi Master…and Jedi Masters are supposed to be humble. *Grin* 

Yoda: Respect the elders, you must! 

Anakin: Umm…Master Yoda…can you please get your stick out of the way, it's hitting my face. 

Qui-Gon: *Backed up against the wall* Please everyone, *grunt* stay calm, and stop moving around…*grunt* it's getting rather hard to breathe… 

Obi-Wan: Master…is that your light saber poking at my thigh? 

Qui-Gon: *Grin* 

Yoda: *Looks at Anakin* How feel you? Hrmm? 

Anakin: Scared…I'm scared of the dark… 

Yoda: Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate- 

Obi-Wan: --and hate will lead to you suffering a slow, painful death if you don't shut up. I am trying to sleep here. *Glare* 

Yoda: *Gasp* *Moves away from Obi-Wan and lies next to Anakin* 

Qui-Gon: Your Highness, may we please use your incredibly large dress as a blanket? 

Amidala: *Sits up* Umm…I don't think so, Qui-Gon…you see…I'm…I'm not wearing anything under…the dress…*Blush* 

Anakin: *Squirms* Guys…I need to pee… 

Qui-Gon: Then go, Ani, the bathroom is about seven feet away from you. 

Anakin: But Master Qui-Gon…I'm afraid… 

Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger *sees Obi-Wan throwing him a menacing glare* go you must, young one. There is nothing to fear. 

Anakin: *Squirms some more* I don't think I can hold it in…ah-ah-ah--*sighs in relief* 

Amidala: Hmm…why is my left side all moist and warm? 

[Anakin looks down, sheepishly.] 

Amidala: Oh. My. Gods. You did NOT just do that! 

Anakin: I'm sorry… 

Qui-Gon: Master Yoda, would you please clean the child up? 

Yoda: -_- 

--End Scene 2- 

~To be continued~ 


	3. Happy Campers 3

Title: Happy Campers, Scene 3 

Summary: Master and Padawan commit a little late night mischief. 

Category: Humor/Parody 

Rating: PG-13 

Author: Pipper 

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wanna play with them, so NYUH! 

WARNING: Kinda slashy and sexual but NOTHING major. 

[Scene 3: Everyone is asleep except for Obi-Wan…he talks to his Master.] 

Obi-Wan: Master? 

Qui-Gon: *Wakes up* Yes, Padawan? 

Obi-Wan: I can't sleep… 

Qui-Gon: Why is that? 

Obi-Wan: I don't have a pillow… 

[Qui-Gon picks up Yoda and gives him to Obi-Wan.] 

Qui-Gon: Here, you can use Master Yoda. 

Obi-Wan: Eww. -_- 

[Qui-Gon sees that Amidala is sound asleep; he notices a couple of markers on the drawer.] 

Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan…are you thinking what I'm thinking? 

Obi-Wan: *Lays hand on Qui-Gon's thigh* I hope so… *wishful look* 

Qui-Gon: Not that! Maybe later, though… but what I meant was… *points to markers then points to Amidala* *Evil grin* 

Obi-Wan: *Grin* Master, you're so bad… 

[Master and Padawan gets up, grabs markers, and closes in on Amidala.] 

Qui-Gon: *Uncaps marker* Ready, Padawan? 

Obi-Wan: I don't know, Master…she wears all that make-up, I don't think anyone will notice… 

Qui-Gon: Hmm…I'll give her a mustache, you can do the beard. 

Obi-Wan: Hehehe…yes, Master. *Uncaps marker* 

Qui-Gon: Umm…Obi-Wan, what is your hand doing on Her Highness' chest? 

Obi-Wan: I don't know what you're talking about…*tries to look innocent* 

Qui-Gon: That expression hasn't fooled me since you were 16. *Rolls eyes* 

[Master and Padawan starts drawing on Amidala.] 

Obi-Wan: Master! *Glare* 

Qui-Gon: What? 

Obi-Wan: *Points to Qui-Gon's hand cupping Amidala's breast* 

Qui-Gon: I was uhh…I…uhh…I was merely leaning in for support. Yeah, that's right, support. *Nervous chuckling* 

Obi-Wan: -_- Master, we want her to look stupid *thinks again* stupidER, not give her breast cancer. 

Qui-Gon: *Sigh* *Takes hand away* 

Obi-Wan: *Looks up and sees Yoda floating* Hmm… *Evil grin* 

[Obi-Wan grabs Yoda from mid-air and sets him next to Amidala's right leg.] 

Obi-Wan: Hehehe… 

Qui-Gon: Padawan! Why I never thought you were so bad! *Grin* 

[Yoda starts humping Amidala's leg.] 

Yoda: Hrmm…hrmm…hrmm…*humps* 

Obi-Wan: *Points to Yoda* *giggles* 

Qui-Gon: *Covers mouth trying not to laugh* 

Obi-Wan: I can't wait till she wakes up…*stifles a laugh* 

[Master and Padawan come back to the bed…] 

Obi-Wan: Master? 

Qui-Gon: Yes, Padawan? 

Obi-Wan: Do you always bring your light saber to bed? 

Qui-Gon: No, Padawan, my light saber is on the dresser over there. 

Obi-Wan: Then what's that thing poking at-oh. 

Qui-Gon: *Wink* 

Obi-Wan: Oh… 

--End Scene 3- 

~To be continued~ 


	4. Happy Campers 4

Happy Campers, Scene 4 

Summary: The morning after Scene 3…poor Queeny… 

Category: Humor/Parody 

Rating: PG-13 

Author: Pipper 

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wanna play with them, so NYUH! And oh, I don't get money off this so don't sue. 

WARNING: Jedi perversions ahead, kinda sexual, but not really…proceed at your own risk. 

[Scene 4: Everyone is awake and eating breakfast, except Amidala.] 

Amidala: Unh…*wakes up* 

Qui-Gon: Good morning, you're Highness. *Slight bow* 

Amidala: *whimpers* Hmm…uhm…why do I feel as if someone has been pummeling my chest?! *Moans in pain* 

Qui-Gon: *Blushes* *Stares at plate* 

[Yoda walks over to Amidala, stick tapping and saying "hrmm," and stuff.] 

Yoda: Heal others, I can. Treat your injury I should. *Grimy little paws reaching for Amidala's chest* 

[Amidala clutches her chest and backs away from Yoda.] 

Amidala: Don't come any closer! *Looks around for something to defend herself with* 

Yoda: Fear me you should not. Help you I will. 

Amidala: *Whimpers* 

[Yoda lunges at Amidala, grabs hold and nuzzles her breasts, shaking head and everything.] 

Yoda: Hrmm…so soft you are…hrmm…so soft… *keeps nuzzling* 

Amidala: *Struggles* Get! Off! Me! You PERVERT!!! *Throws Yoda across the room* 

*THUD* 

Amidala: *Disgusted expression* Ugh, as if!!! 

[Everyone glares at Yoda.] 

Yoda: *Scratches head* Wanted to help her, I merely did. Very ungrateful she is. Wish she were as willing as Yaddle I do. *Remembers times _with_ Yaddle* *Closes eyes, grinning* *Starts to hump walking stick* Hrmm…hrmm…hrmm… 

Qui-Gon: *Chokes on food* 

Anakin: *Gag* 

Everyone: -_- Eww. 

Amidala: Please don't tell me that that's how he got his seat in the Council… 

--End Scene 4- 

~To be continued~ 


	5. Happy Campers 4 (Take Two)

Title: Happy Campers, Scene 4, TAKE TWO 

Summary: A re-write of Scene 4. 

Category: Humor/Parody 

Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wanna play with them, so NYUH! I don't get money off this, so please don't sue. 

Author: Pipper 

WARNING: Jedi perversion ahead…you have been warned. 

Author's note: The last one was too short and it was quickly done…so here's something to make up for it. 

[SCENE 4: Amidala awakens and goes to the bathroom to wash up.] 

Amidala: *Grunt* Hmm…uhn…why do I feel as if someone's been pummeling my chest?! *Shakes head and moves towards the refresher* 

[Amidala turns the faucet on and looks in the mirror.] 

Amidala: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

[Everyone is awaken by the scream and runs to see what's going on.] 

Qui-Gon: *Knocks on door* Your Highness! Are you all right? 

Anakin: Is she in danger?! *Worried expression* 

Yoda: Hard to see that Dark Side is, or when close the door is. *Rolls eyes* Hrmm… *Uses walking stick to push the button that opens the door* 

Qui-Gon: Your Highness? *Walks in…* 

Amidala: Look at this! *Points to her face* 

Qui-Gon: *Tries no to laugh* 

Amidala: This is not a laughing matter! 

Anakin: What's going on? *Sees Amidala* Heeheehee! I don't remember you growing those! *Points to Amidala's face and laughs* 

Amidala: Oh, shush, child! 

Obi-Wan: Watch out, your Highness, *chuckles* those things will really kick in once you turn sixteen. *Laughs* 

Qui-Gon: You know…facial hair makes a person seem…more…defined, and dignified. *Fumbles his beard* *Smile* 

Amidala: *Glare* 

Yoda: Leave her be, you should. *Turns to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and throws them a disapproving look* 

Amidala: Thank you, Master Yoda. 

Yoda: *Turns to Amidala and grins* Wish to borrow my razor, do you? *Chuckles* 

[Everyone laughs.] 

Qui-Gon: Good one, my Master! *Laughs* *Taps Yoda's back…just a little too hard* 

[Yoda falls on the floor, face first.] 

Yoda: *Grunt* 

Anakin: *Laughs* *Picks up Yoda and carries him* 

Amidala: *Shakes her head* Get out! All of you, OUT! *Whimpers* 

[Everyone stops laughing.] 

Obi-Wan: Amidala is every thing all right? 

Anakin: You mean other than the obvious? *Chuckles* 

Qui-Gon: Ani! *Glare* 

Anakin: Sorry. 

Obi-Wan: Your Highness? 

Amidala: My…my chest hurts… 

[Qui-Gon and Obi-wan blush.] 

Yoda: Hrmm…heal others I can. Treat your injury I should. *Grimy little paws reach out for Amidala's chest* 

[Amidala clutches her chest and backs away from Yoda.] 

Amidala: Don't come any closer! 

Yoda: Hrmm…fear me you should not. Help you I will. *Tries to get out of Anakin's grasp* 

Anakin: Master Yoda! 

[Yoda lunges at Amidala, grabs hold and nuzzles at her breasts, shaking head and everything.] 

Yoda: Hrmm…you're so soft…hrmm…so soft…hrmm. *Nuzzles some more* 

Amidala: *Struggles* Get! Off! Me! PERVERT! *Throws Yoda in the bathtub* 

*THUD* 

[Everyone glares at Yoda.] 

Amidala: *Pants* 

Yoda: *Scratches head* Wanted to help her I merely did. Wish she were as willing as Yaddle, I do. *Remembers times _with_ Yaddle* *Starts to hump walking stick* 

Everyone: Eww. -_- 

Qui-Gon: *Covers Anakin's eyes* 

Anakin: Thank you, Master Qui-Gon. 

Amidala: Please don't tell me that that's how he got his seat in the Council… 

Obi-Wan: *Closes shower curtain to give Yoda some privacy* Pray to whatever gods you know that we may never find out. *Shrugs* 

Yoda: Hrmm…hrmm…hrmm…Yaddle…uhh…hrmm… 

--End Scene 4- 

~To be continued~ 


End file.
